What a life

PONDERISMS From jackdaw in WHO CARES (883 days old)

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable pl… more

THE GOOD OLD AUSSIE SHEILA From jackdaw in WHO CARES (887 days old)

Aussie lad driving over Sydney Harbour Bridge spots his girlfriend about to jump off, he pulls over and says " Christ Sheila " wot ya doin? She says "you got me pregnant an now i'm gonna kill myself"… more

FROM BAD TO WORSE AND WORSE STILL From jackdaw in WHO CARES (890 days old)

Totally fucked up today! Worked a fifteen hour shift yesterday, the last six hours moving heavy steelwork. Have to wear the correct personal protective equipment - so on go the overalls, toe tector… more

MAN'S BEST FRIEND From jackdaw in WHO CARES (892 days old)

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.That's a heavy drink, what's the matter? Asks the barman.Ijust caught my best friend shagging my wife!Wow, have another one on the house. What… more

THE PERFECT ENGINE From jackdaw in WHO CARES (898 days old)

"WHAT IS THE PERFECT ENGINE?"ANSWER: A FANNYWHY?BECAUSEIT FITS ANY SIZE PISTON!IT'S SELF LUBRICATING!STARTS WITH A FINGER!AND! WAIT FOR IT!DOES IT'S OWN OIL CHANGE EVERY FOUR WEEKS&n… more

GOOD REASONS "NOT TO BE A PENIS" From jackdaw in WHO CARES (899 days old)

1.YOUR BALD YOUR WHOLE LIFE 2.YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR HEAD 3.YOUR NEIGHBOURS ARE NUTS 4.THE GUY BEHIND YOU IS AN ASSHOLE AND MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE 5.EVERYTIME YOU GET EXCITED YOU THROW UP AND… more

OFFICE ADVISE From jackdaw in WHO CARES (899 days old)

REMEMBER !!!!!!!"IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW OR WHO YOU KNOW "THAT MATTERS" IT'S WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY COUNTS "  … more

THE LIFE OF A PENIS From jackdaw in WHO CARES (906 days old)

:oops: I ONLY HAVE ONE EYE :**: MY HAIR IS A MESS :DD MY NEIGHBOURS ARE NUTS :p MY BEST FRIENDS A C >:XX T AND TO CAP IT ALL MY OWNERS A WANKER WHAT A LIFE :wave:… more

BRAZILLIAN From jackdaw in WHO CARES (919 days old)

Me being of sound mind and body and in awe of the female anatomy would like to know this; :p and it is not my intention to be degrading in any way what-so-ever; :p I for one enjoy the pleasures w… more

BLAIR vs BROWN From jackdaw in WHO CARES (919 days old)

Now I'm not very politically minded, but as I have heard Tony Blair will be stepping aside shortly to allow Gordon Brown to step into his shoes. Well !!! I am not a labour fanatic or conservative c… more

HOW DO YOU KNOW ? From jackdaw in WHO CARES (926 days old)

How do you know when someone likes you as a friend or likes you that little bit more? :??: You meet someone you becomes friends, you laugh, you joke, you sense there mood swings, their despair and t… more

THE FEMALE MIND From jackdaw in WHO CARES (927 days old)

Help please!88| Why is it the more you do for a woman the less your are apprecited and what's expected of you increases?:'( Yet fuck me, the less you give the more you are a b'stard the more you get… more

BREAKFAST IN THE DESERT From jackdaw in WHO CARES (935 days old)

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to > death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the > inevitable, when suddenly... > > "Hey Pepe, do you smell … more

BAD JOKES From jackdaw in WHO CARES (935 days old)

                                 &n… more

NUDISTS BEWARE From jackdaw in WHO CARES (935 days old)

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takesoff his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walksby, and the man immediately gets an erection. … more

From jackdaw in WHO CARES (939 days old)

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for company.One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles d… more

THE DRUNK From jackdaw in WHO CARES (939 days old)

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for … more

MEN AND WOMEN From jackdaw in WHO CARES (940 days old)

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want. So he tied her up and went golfing lol! *********… more

THE BRACELET From jackdaw in WHO CARES (940 days old)

A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks w… more

FOR JACKGROPE From jackdaw in WHO CARES (941 days old)

I CANT IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND WITH BLEACHED HAIR LOL… more

THIS IS FOR JACKGROPE From jackdaw in WHO CARES (941 days old)

:DDThree women in a cafe, 1st woman says, i'm having a boob job, 2nd woman says i'm having my twat bleached, 3rd woman says - wait for it!:DD … more

THE THOUGHTS OF A PETROL STATION ATTENDANT From jackdaw in WHO CARES (941 days old)

Tiger woods drives his BMW into a petrol station. The attendant being clueless about golf and has never heard of Tiger Woods, greets him with his usual pleasant smile. Tiger nods and bends to pick up … more

INSANITY From jackdaw in WHO CARES (947 days old)

Mad Mary agin had robbed a wheel chair and started speedin round the mental ward. As she rounds a corner Dopey Dave jumps out with his hand up and stops her. Can I see your license, Mad Mary reverses … more

ANGELS 'n' WINGS From jackdaw in WHO CARES (947 days old)

A woman stands at the gates of heaven when she hears horrible screams coming from inside. Saint Peter appears and says as you have been a good person all your life you may enter. The woman asks tentit… more

BEAUTIFUL DAY From jackdaw in WHO CARES (948 days old)

Here I am back in the office watching the world go by. Had four days of rest, drinking, eating and god i'm stuffed. AN ODE FOR A BEAUTIFUL DAY I woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and s… more

COLES OF BILSTON WEST MIDLANDS From jackdaw in WHO CARES (954 days old)

To all you wonderful people out there who live in the Wolverhampton area of the west midlands. Just recently I purchased £2000-00 worth of living room furniture from COLES OF BILSTON - £300-00 … more

Why Me From jackdaw in WHO CARES (954 days old)

What is with people, a friend asks if you know of anyone who can do some building work, I say yeah i'll introduce you to a mate of mine. So you make the introduction they get on well, they agree a pri… more

The office From jackdaw in WHO CARES (955 days old)

4th April 2007 Have you ever wondered what category people in the office fall into while there carrying out there everyday mundane jobs? I have!!! You can tell by the set routines. Quiet ones … more